Tuesday, August 26, 2008

BEST OLYMPICS REPORT WE'VE READ

John Kenney, New Yorker - Graphic onscreen: Twenty-two minutes until John Kenney. We see John Kenney in his office cubicle, listening to an iPod and looking really closely at the tip of a pencil.

AL TRAUTWIG: Twenty-two minutes now until we see John Kenney try to medal in the elusive sport of bi-monthly-status-meeting commenting. First time for this event, and one that's unfamiliar to some of our viewers. Mary Carillo, you competed briefly in this event. What should we look for?

MARY CARILLO: Al, this is an event dominated by the Dutch, the Swiss, and, to a great extent, the North Koreans. These are active participants in bi-monthly status meetings, people who really prepare, whereas Americans- new to the sport-tend to be far more lethargic, taking it more as a pastime than as something to really prepare for.

A.T.: John Kenney.

M.C.: Indeed. Kenney has a unique approach to the sport. He appears, at first, almost completely ignorant of what's happening in a meeting, often looking around with a puzzled expression.

A.T.: A cat-and-mouse game.

M.C.: No. He genuinely has no idea what's going on.

A.T.: How does he catch up?

M.C.: He might borrow the minutes of the last meeting from whomever he's sitting next to or even whisper to his neighbor, asking something like "What's happening? Who's this Phil guy?". . .

A montage of photographs of John Kenney as a baby, a child, a teen-ager. In every one, he's sitting at a conference table. In one photo, age four, he appears to be pointing to a staffing chart. During this montage, we hear the voices of two women.

MOTHER: The first words out of his mouth-

SISTER: I'll never forget this-

MOTHER: His first words were "I'd like to speak to Ted's earlier point on the Q1 numbers."

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