THE SWAMPOODLE REPORT

Josiah Swampoodle

The large number of political prigs and prudes calling for Senator Burris' resignation are ignoring the Swampoodlian Rule of Redemptive Politics: sin in politics is a measurement of wrongful acts divided by progressive voting record. For example, if every urban crook in Congress had been judged solely by their morality, we never would have gotten Medicare or civil rights legislation passed. The problem with conservatives is that they are not only corrupt but vote wrong as well. Besides, unless you come from Illinois, it's none of your damn business anyway.

Watching our president and that strange subterranean creature the GOP chose to respond to him with, it occurred that our country would be a lot better off if its politicians didn't talk so much. A worthwhile alternative would to adopt the principles of No Child Left Behind by reducing classroom discussion and debate and requiring our politicians to respond primarily with answers to standardized tests. It would make life more pleasant and if it works for children it should work for our leaders as well.