UNDERNEWS

Undernews is the online report of the Progressive Review, edited by Sam Smith, who has covered Washington during all or part of one quarter of America's presidencies and edited alternative journals since 1964. The Review has been on the web since 1995. See main page for full contents

March 25, 2009

PEDALPHILES & OTHER PERVERSIONS

This is a little old, but we just came upon it thanks to the Annals of Improbable Research

Telegraph, UK, 2008 - Telegraph, 2008 - Police and medical personnel were called to Lan Tian park in Hong Kong after the man, named as 41-year-old local Le Xing, got into difficulty after he put his penis through a hole in the bench and got stuck when he became aroused. Mr Xing, described in reports as "lonely and disturbed", told police that he thought it would be fun to have sex with the bench. When officers and doctors arrived at the scene they tried to release some of the pressure by removing some of his blood. But their efforts proved unsuccessful, forcing them to cut the bench from the ground and take it, with Xing attached, to a city hospital. It took doctors four hours to cut him free. They later said that if he had been stuck for just an hour longer they may have been forced to amputate his penis.

There have been several recent cases of people having sex with unusual objects. In May 2008, Edward Smith, claimed to be involved in an intimate relationship with a white Volkswagen Beetle.

Telegraph, 2008 - A 32-year-old man has been arrested in Wiltshire for allegedly simulating a sex act with a lamp-post. . . . The incident echoes a similar case last week when a Polish contractor was caught on his knees with a vacuum cleaner in a hospital staff canteen. . . In 1993, Karl Watkins, an electrician, was jailed for having sex with pavements in Redditch.

Telegraph, UK, 2008
- A Polish worker has come up with an unusual excuse after being caught in the act with a vacuum cleaner. The building contractor claimed he was cleaning his underpants with Henry Hoover when he was found naked and on his knees in a hospital's staff canteen. A stunned security guard stumbled onto the man in the middle of a compromising act with the cleaner, which has a large smiley face painted on its front and a hose protruding from its "nose". According to the Sun, the contractor was supposed to be locking up the building site near the Great Ormond Street Children's Hospital where his firm is refurbishing administration offices. . . When later questioned by his employers, the man said he was vacuuming his underpants, which was "a common practice in Poland". He has since been fired.

Telegraph, UK, 2007 - A "cycle-sexualist" caught half-naked in a compromising position with his bicycle has been put on probation for three years.He was caught by two cleaners who walked in on him in a hostel room. The 51-year-old was naked from the waist down and when the women opened the door he paused only to ask, "What is it, hen?", before continuing to "move his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex". The police were called and at a hearing last month Mr Stewart was placed on the sex offenders' register after admitting a sexual breach of the peace. . . Sheriff Colin Miller added: "In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'. "

1 Comments:

Anonymous robbie said...

pavements?

March 26, 2009 7:49 PM  

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