UNDERNEWS

Undernews is the online report of the Progressive Review, edited by Sam Smith, who covered Washington during all or part of one quarter of America's presidencies and edited alternative journals since 1964. The Review has been on the web since 1995. See main page for full contents

July 19, 2009

NEWS RELEASE OF THE DAY

POMPANO BEACH, Fla. - In response to rumors circulating the internet on sites such as FoxNews.com, FastCompany.com and CNET News about a "flesh eating" robot project, Cyclone Power Technologies Inc. and Robotic Technology Inc. would like to set the record straight: This robot is strictly vegetarian.

On July 7, Cyclone announced that it had completed the first stage of development for a beta biomass engine system used to power RTI's Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot, a Phase II SBIR project sponsored by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, Defense Sciences Office. RTI's EATR is an autonomous robotic platform able to perform long-range, long-endurance missions without the need for manual or conventional re-fueling.

RTI's patent pending robotic system will be able to find, ingest and extract energy from biomass in the environment. Despite the far-reaching reports that this includes "human bodies," the public can be assured that the engine Cyclone has developed to power the EATR runs on fuel no scarier than twigs, grass clippings and wood chips - small, plant-based items for which RTI's robotic technology is designed to forage. Desecration of the dead is a war crime under Article 15 of the Geneva Conventions, and is certainly not something sanctioned by DARPA, Cyclone or RTI.

"We completely understand the public's concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission," stated Harry Schoell, Cyclone's CEO. "We are focused on demonstrating that our engines can create usable, green power from plentiful, renewable plant matter. The commercial applications alone for this earth-friendly energy solution are enormous."

2 Comments:

Anonymous Boffin said...

Well, now that that's been cleared up, I for one welcome our eco-friendly vegetarian killing machines.

July 19, 2009 6:21 PM  
Anonymous When will we sober up said...

Eco-friendly vegetarian killing machines indeed. I swear this world is disappearing into the maw of complete absurdity.

Such machines would not exist if they weren't needed to preserve extreme economic inequality.

But I guess we'd rather stalk each other down and blow each other up than do something radical like spread the wealth the same as the work is spread.

July 21, 2009 9:00 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home