The Walrus and the Carpenter
Do Some City Planning
The walrus
and the carpenter were walking close at hand;
They wept like anything to see such quantities of land.
"If this were only cleared away,"
They said, "it surely would be grand."
"If seven
pols with seven plans reviewed for half a year,
"Do you suppose," the walrus said, "that they
could get it clear?"
"I doubt it," said the carpenter, and shed a bitter
tear.
"0h citizens,
come walk with us" the walrus did implore,
"A pleasant talk, a pleasant balk outside the inner door;
"We'll listen to just five of you to make your thoughts
mean more."
The eldest
voter looked at him but no word from that source;
The citizen just winked his eye and coughed a cough quite hoarse.
Meaning to say he did not choose to join one more task force.
But four young
voters hurried up, all eager for the show.
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes in pairs aglow,
Which wasn't odd, because, you know,
They were so soon to go.
Four more
citizens there came next and yet another four
And thick and fast they came at last
And more, and more and more
All hopping through the corridor and scrambling to the door.
The walrus
and the carpenter planned six more blocks or so
And then they rested on a rock conveniently low:
And all the little citizens stood waiting in a row.
"The
time has come," the walrus said, "to talk of many things,
"Of PUDs and densities and inner traffic rings
"And why the waterfront's so dead
"And how to give it wings."
"But
wait a bit," the voters cried, "before we plan anew,
"For some of us the rent's been raised - for some the tax
is due.
"No hurry," said the carpenter.
They said to him, "Thank you."
"A better
mix," the walrus said, "is what we chiefly need,
"And tax base growth besides is very good indeed,
"Now if you're ready, voters dear, we can begin to feed."
"But
not on us," the voters cried, turning a little blue,
"After such kindness, that would be a dismal thing to do."
"The plan is fine," the walrus said, "Don't you
like the view?"
"It seems
a shame," the Walrus said, "to play them such a trick.
"After we've brought them out so far, and made them trot
so quick."
The carpenter said nothing but "the parking's spread too
thick."
"I weep
for you," the walrus said,
"I deeply sympathize."
With sobs and tears he sorted out those of the smallest size,
Holding his pocket long-range plan before his streaming eyes.
"0h citizens,"
said the carpenter, "your input has been fun.
"Shall we be trotting home again?"
But answer there came none
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd evicted everyone.
-- Josiah Swampoodle,
DC Gazette, 1975